Free Ebook Hardcore Twenty-Four: A Stephanie Plum Novel, by Janet Evanovich
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Hardcore Twenty-Four: A Stephanie Plum Novel, by Janet Evanovich
Free Ebook Hardcore Twenty-Four: A Stephanie Plum Novel, by Janet Evanovich
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About the Author
Janet Evanovich is the #1 bestselling author of the Stephanie Plum novels, the Fox and O'Hare novels, the Lizzy and Diesel series, the Alexandra Barnaby novels, and How I Write: Secrets of a Bestselling Author, and coauthor of a graphic novel, Troublemaker, with her daughter, Alex.
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Excerpt. © Reprinted by permission. All rights reserved.
Simon Diggery and Ethel, his pet boa constrictor, were up a tree about fifty feet from Simon’s rust bucket doublewide. Ethel looked comfy draped over a branch halfway up the tree. Simon looked like death warmed over. He was scrunched into a crook a couple feet below Ethel. He was barefoot, wearing striped pajamas, and his grey hair was even more of a mess than usual.My name is Stephanie Plum. I work as a bond enforcement officer in Trenton, New Jersey, and Simon was in violation of his bond. Simon is a professional grave robber. When he gets caught robbing a grave my cousin Vinnie is his bail bondsman of choice. Vinnie posts a cash bond guaranteeing the court that if Simon is released he will return when scheduled. If Simon doesn’t show up on time, I’m sent out to fetch him. I was presently standing a respectable distance from the tree, looking up at Simon, keeping a watch on Ethel. I was with my sidekick, Lula.If Lula was a pastry she’d be a big chocolate cupcake with a lot of frosting. I’d be more of a croissant with a ponytail. I have curly shoulder length brown hair, blue eyes, and some people think I look like Julia Roberts on her day off. “Simon,” Lula yelled. “What the heck are you and Ethel doing in the tree?”“I been up here since last night,” Simon said. “I’m afraid to come down on account of the zombies.”“You gotta stop drinking that home-made grain liquor,” Lula said. “I wasn’t drinking,” Simon said. “I was working my trade at that cemetery on Morley Street last night, and I accidentally dug into a zombie portal.”“Say what?” Lula said. “I never heard of no zombie portal.”“It’s not widely publicized that they exist. Mostly people in my profession know about it. It’s an occupational hazard. I only dug into a portal once before, and I was able to beat the zombies back with my shovel, but this time was a whole other deal. There was too many of them, so I ran for my truck and took off. Only thing is they tracked me down. They got a real good sense of smell. They’re like raggedy bloodhounds. They come at me when I was sleeping. They wanted my brain. That’s what they kept saying. Brains, brains, brains. I’d be a goner if it wasn’t for Ethel. She don’t like getting woke up, and I guess zombies don’t like snakes. Anyways I was able to get away, and Ethel and me climbed this tree.”“Because zombies can’t climb trees?” I asked Simon.“You got it,” Simon said. “Zombies only walk straight ahead. They can’t back up neither.”“You were supposed to be in court first thing this morning,” I told him.“Well excuse me,” Simon said, “but I had bigger problems. “Suppose I was able to get to court, and the zombies followed me there, and they ate all the people’s brains who were in the court?”“This is Trenton,” Lula said. “You might not notice.”I cut my eyes to Lula. “There are no zombies.”“How can you be sure?” Lula said.I blew out a sigh and looked back at Simon. “Here’s the deal. You come down, and we’ll protect you from the zombies.”“You gotta either chop off their head or shoot them in the brain,” Simon said. “That’s the only way.”“I got a gun,” Lula said, shoving her hand into her over-sized imitation Jimmy Choo bag. “It’s in here somewhere.”“What about Ethel?” Simon said. “If I stay in jail awhile until the zombies forget about me, who’s gonna take care of Ethel?”“You’ll have to make arrangements,” I said.“I don’t got no one,” Simon said. “My cousin Snacker is in West Virginia, and my neighbors would chop her up and fry her in bacon fat. You gotta promise to take care of Ethel.”“No way,” I said. “Me neither,” Lula said.“She’s no bother,” Simon said. “You just gotta feed her once a week. Just come in and leave her a groundhog or something.”“They don’t usually sell groundhog in the supermarket,” Lula said.“I get them from the side of the road,” Simon said. “Ethel don’t care if they’re swelled up or anything. She likes fried chicken too. And she wouldn’t stick her nose up at a pizza. And if worse comes to worse I keep a bag of rats in the freezer.”“You got electric?” Lula asked.“Course I got electric,” Simon said. “This here’s a civilized neighborhood.”“How are you going to get Ethel out of the tree?”“I got some hotdogs,” Simon said. “I’ll leave a trail of hotdogs that goes straight to the kitchen. And then once she’s inside we’ll lock the door.”Ten minutes later Simon had the hotdogs all laid out.“She don’t look interested,” Lula said, staring up at Ethel.“It could take a while,” Simon said. “She don’t move so fast. I guess we could just leave the door open for her.”“You could get robbed if you do that,” Lula said.“I got a fifty-pound snake for a pet,” Simon said. “Nobody comes near here excepting the zombies.”I cuffed Simon, loaded him into my SUV, and drove him to the police station. I handed Simon over to the cop in charge, and Simon explained that should a zombie show up, the cop needed to shoot the zombie in the brain. The cop assured Simon it was a done deal.
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Product details
Series: Stephanie Plum (Book 24)
Paperback: 304 pages
Publisher: G.P. Putnam's Sons; Reprint edition (October 2, 2018)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 9780399179211
ISBN-13: 978-0399179211
ASIN: 0399179216
Product Dimensions:
4.2 x 0.7 x 7.5 inches
Shipping Weight: 5.6 ounces (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.2 out of 5 stars
2,839 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#8,020 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This one is for hard core Stephanie Plum fans only; everyone else should give it a pass. Basically warmed over junk with no new character development and an extremely weak story line. We've seen this before with Evanovitch when she had to get a book done to meet a deadline. However, she's ripping off her readers. We know she can write a solid book. This wasn't it.
Horrible effort, or should I say lack of effort by Janet Evanovich. Shame on her for ripping off thousands of loyal readers of this series! If you're new to Stephanie Plum, read the earlier books - do not waste your time or money on this piece of shoddy writing! The storyline is written for adolescents, there is inconsistencies with prior books in the series, the character development has been stunted (the Morelli v Ranger storyline has gotten to the point of icky. There's nothing interesting or entertaining about screwing around with two different men). This is a shameful excuse of a book - and to not be able to get your money back makes it 24 times worse. I will NEVER preorder anything by Janet Evanovich again. Probably will never read her work again.
Who the hell wrote this stuff?1. Zombies and more zombies till you want to poke your eyes out.2. Ranger with "200 thread count" sheets? Really? I haven't bought 200 thread count since the 1980s. T3. Stephanie totaling Ranger's brand new expensive loaner cars and him supposedly laughing when he gets the news???? I don't think so. I think her cuteness tanked three cars ago and his auto insurance rates must be astronomical. Nothing funny about that.4. Diesel? Give me a damn break. A total loser and user. She's got Ranger and Morelli and she's tempted? Is she insane?.5. And Lula gets paid by Vincent Plum Bail Bonds to do what, exactly???? She used to work in the office and file papers. They went digital and she went from funny to nauseatingly stupid. An occasional off the wall belief used to be entertaining but now all her beliefs fall into the certifiable category. Rubber room. No sharp objects available.6. Stephanie's mother taking pills with two drinks of hard liquor? That's not funny. That's addiction. When Gramma Mazur used to say outrageous things at the kitchen table and Stephanie's mother would look longingly toward the cupboard with the booze. That was funny.Is it just me, or are her other legions of fans saying I just bought my very last Stephanie Plum novel.
Who wrote this book? It is in no way up to the level of any of the others. I actually debated about giving it one star. There is so much of the book that is information from any of the other books. It is just plainly stupid. It is also the last book in this series that I purchase. Stephanie will never choose between Ranger and Joe and now she is supposed to also to be in lust with ever stupid Diesel? Done. There are junior high books with better plots. I want my money back.
I bought this as a gift for my husband. I gave up reading Janet Evanovich's books around book 10. My husband is now done with reading her books also and asked me to leave a review. He said that 24 books of the same storyline is too much and this one was the worst! He also said nothing is funny any more and he is done! I got tired of it years ago. I do love book series, but, the authors I read have growth happening in their stories, not the same old thing over and over. So good by Ms. Evanovich it was fun and funny for a few years!
A waste of time. These just keep getting worse. I will not buy any more.
I don't know why I waste my time or money on these books anymore. I should have given up on the series after number 14. I feel that Hardcore Twenty Four was utter garbage. There has been no development for any of the characters. There continues to be no resolution between the Morelli/Ranger love triangle and now they've decided to reintroduce Diesel? I just don't know if I can possibly read another one.
Sadly, I won't be reading anymore of Stephanie Plum's adventures. Maybe I am too old/cynical or that Ms. Evanovich has just run out of ideas but this was ridiculous - and not in a good way. Tired plot, tired characters, tired same old same old, even when she tries to disguise it with non-sensical zombies. Sorry, no more.
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